Healing

It has 10.5 months since our Nathan went home to be with Jesus.  From that night forward I have been amazingly blessed with Peace.  It's that all consuming, void filling, awe inspiring, blanket of warmth kind of Peace that has only one Source...The Everlasting and Loving Arms of the Almighty.  It is that Peace and the ability to continue to hold my Father's hand that has allowed me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  The image I have of this grieving/healing process has been of a tiny one learning to walk....first we hold their bodies and help them learn to stand, then it's on to them holding our fingers as they take those first shaky steps and learn how to control those muscles, next it's only one finger since they just need a little help with balance, now we hold our arms open wide as they squeal with delight and toddle to us on their own for a hug, and finally remain close by for reassurance.  How sweet it is to know that God is always right there no matter where we are in that process!  I am certainly not fully emotionally walking without assistance yet, but I am well on my way.
We have made it through almost a whole year with all the reminders of Nathan's absence.  And I still shed tears as I miss him...I know I always will.  Our family has been talking quite a bit about him lately as we may be adopting a sibling group that includes a little boy just 13 months younger than Nathan.  I know it will be hard and healing at the same time if we are chosen as their family.  As we are preparing our home to hold more family, moving things into and out of our storage building, I see the stroller and car seat and trunk of toys.....things we kept at the time for future grandkids....a sigh escapes my lips as memories flood my mind and I decide that it would be wonderful to see all these things being enjoyed once more.  Our younger daughter who is 10 said "there may be tears, but it will ok" as we discussed having a different little brother.  There is no doubt that we will grieve harder again with memories refreshed, but there is healing in those tears.  Only time will tell if we will be bringing home a little one or if God has a different set of siblings for us.  But just the possibility of having a toddler again has brought more healing for us.  God works is so many wondrous ways!  He has provisions set before us for each step of our journey though life, and if we have drawn close to him with that personal relationship that is deeper than all others, we will see those provisions and take them to heart.  His Love is a never ending well, His grace and mercy know no boundaries.  Amen!